11. May, 2016


WEDNESDAY 11-05-16

Another wet night. We are parked on a grass pitch but having learned lessons from the past we now park the wheels on four 24"x9" painted plywood boards which I made. This stops the wheels digging in to soft earth due to the weight of the vehicle, making it very tricky on wet grass to pull out of those dips. If you're unlucky you get wheel spin and two mud-filled gripless tyres. So far this has worked well for us, though I much prefer to pitch on hard-standing.

The weather forecast for today was not good and we expected to have to spend the whole day indoors.

After our experiences in America we agreed the criteria we would apply when buying a European motorhome would be 'Can we spend 24 hours inside the vehicle due to the weather if we had to?' Fortunately with 'Freddie Fendt'  the answer was 'yes' - but only just. All vehicles are a compromise against the ideal. For us it is the size of the lounge area, but if it were bigger, then the vehicle would be longer, and heavier, and so create a new set of problems. Normally the weather is kind to us and we are outside much of the time. When we get some sunshine I'll try and get one or two photographs of the vehicles interior.

With a break in the rain at about 11:00 we decided to go for a nice long walk through a nearby industrial estate to a supermarket a couple of miles away, where we bought a few bits then returned, it didn't feel very 'Provence' but it was good to get out for some fresh air.

The nice thing about having occasional internet connection is that we get to read a bit of UK and World news. It looks as if there will be plagues of locusts, fire, flooding, famine, mass unemployment, and bankruptcy should the British public choose 'Leave' in the forthcoming European Referendum, ignoring the fact that we were once free people trading with the whole world, and we did alright out of it.

I think I have the solution. First we vote for a resounding 'Leave'. We then sit back and wait for the Euro to crash and burn, which it must surely do within the next few years.

Once all that has happened, The United Kingdom steps in to help them all out again. This time we offer selected countries membership of ..................... The Commonwealth. They can keep their own currencies, and laws. Waddington's could manufacture extra Monopoly money for Greece to use. We wouldn't let Turkey join, they'll be a big enough nightmare once they've blackmailed their way in to the EU. We'll also ban the East European countries, let them go and be poor somewhere else.

What we can then offer Europe is CLASS. Let's be honest you'd never see Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth squeeze in to a German trouser suit would you? Or Prince Phillip trying on Carla Bruni's heels to try and be as tall as her?

The Duke of Edinburgh, being a member of the former Greek Royal Family, (I don't know what his father's name was, Stavros Battenberg maybe) would be thrilled that the family were moving in to run things properly. The added bonus being that we already have the Royal manpower to rule the newly enlarged Commonwealth.

Given his past connection with dictators, crooks and a convicted paedophile, 'Air Miles Andy' and his two freeloading daughters would be perfect to rule Greece. There'd be no point in him moaning that they're fiscally incompetent or corrupt, because we've already got Robert Mugabe - beat that. Charlie 'Wingnut' Windsor and Camilla could be given the low countries, France, Spain and Portugal, Princess Anne would rule Germany and Italy because they'd be stupid to cross swords with her. William and Kate, being a bit short of time between photo shoots, flying helicopters and the school run, could have Scandinavia, because it pretty much runs itself anyway. Edward and Sophie would be safer left as 'First Reserves'.

Bureaucracy would be slashed, the whole thing  being administered by a pipe-smoking chap behind a brown desk in the British and Commonwealth Office, and Summit meetings would be held at Buckingham Palace after a game of croquet on the lawn.

So there you have it, an enlarged Commonwealth, the home of Democracy, dictators, corruption, flies, dysentery and malaria. The British Commonwealth can offer everything that the EU can, and more besides. Members would be encouraged to continue trading and co-operating together, whilst dysentery sufferers would gain comfort knowing the sun never sets on a roll of Commonwealth toilet paper.

This evening's meal is to be a tin of chunky steak, spuds and carrots - I don't know how she does it.

Tomorrow we are back on the road heading towards Pont du Gard, with another Roman ruin, though we're getting there via heading northeast to St Remy-de-Provence then Beaucaire, that's if our satnav ever finds them. After Pont du Gard it's north to Orange, back down to Avignon, then out East towards Apt and Digne-les-Bains.